1 - Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
2 - The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
3 - Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...
4 - It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
5 - Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
6 - The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
7 - I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
8 - Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
9 - The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
10 - There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
11 - When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
12 - Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
13 - Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
14 - You laugh because I'm different...........I laugh cause I just farted!
2 - The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
3 - Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...
4 - It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
5 - Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
6 - The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
7 - I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
8 - Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
9 - The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
10 - There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
11 - When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
12 - Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
13 - Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
14 - You laugh because I'm different...........I laugh cause I just farted!
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